When you’re both as fucked up as each other, just not in the same way, that’s true loneliness. That’s when the person who is your best friend has eyes you can’t even look in because you know they know what you’re thinking. When you could sever all ties between you; end friendships that are mutual, level buildings that you’ve both been to, crack cd’s that have songs that kinda sound like other songs that they might like..and still remember that no one has ever been a better friend, no matter how many times you’ve fucked up or fucked them over, that’s memory. And memory like that only exists for a lonely person. You ask why they don’t want anything to do with you, when in your own head you’re asking why would they want to. And when they respond with that, you’re hoping its only because they want to know they’re not the only one with reasons, not because they can’t think of any. Fighting for love is noble, fighting to feel like you’re not hated is pathetic. And loneliness goes hand in hand with being pathetic. Stare at the ocean and you’ll feel small. Stare at the sky and you’ll feel smaller. Stare at random shit you see because you have next to nothing to remind you of them except all the fucked up shit you can recapture, and you can recapture most of it, that’s feeling fucking minuscule. And we never feel as lonely as we do when we’re feeling like everything around us is bigger than we are. When you’re so happy that you know someone who is so much like you, so intune with your brain, likes stupid movies that you like but also has the same morals and values, you think, shit I’m lucky. And when they become disgusted with you, that all goes out the window. You both start walking away from your midpoint until you’re on opposite sides of the spectrum. You start to think, there’s so much space between us now, and unless you both walk back toward the middle, the whole thing is gonna tip. You stand there in the middle, waiting for them, getting more and more pathetic.
